WHY I WEAR PANTS -- Warning: Children must be accompanied by a parent to read this.

IS HE WEARING TROUSERS?

You have to be intrigued by the question.  I don't know about you but it is one that I have long asked myself.  No kidding.  Even from childhood.  All I knew was that I hated shorts and knickers.  I raised all sorts of dust about having to wear knickers to school. I wanted long pants, period.  So, I got some.  Somewhere in third or fourth grade, I think. I was so happy!  But after a while, it got old and then I would wonder why anyone would have to wear clothes at all. Well, I was told that it is in the bible.  We wear clothes because like Adam and Eve we are ashamed to be naked after she ate the apple.   You know what?  I bought that.  for a while.  Not because I was sure that I would be brazen without clothes, but because there were other questions that came up just about every week or so.  For instance, what would the people in New Hampshire do in the Winter without clothes?  I also had some basic hygiene questions, like, why should I wipe my hands on my sleeves, when my pants were much closer.  It's daylight clear to me,  sleeves are for wiping your mouth, your eyes, your nose and stuff like that.  So pants have to be for wiping your hands.  This is especially true when you are sitting down.  In fact the cool part about it is that when you're at table, you can slip your hands down between your thighs an wipe them in places that are not going to get much attention anyway.  Right?  The convenience of doing it at table is that you always have a chance of getting away with it. You just know that I'm right.
Which brings me to the question of whether or not women should wear trousers.  Absolutely not!   Think about it.  Women have absolutely no need for pants.  They abhor wiping their hands on clothes.  You know that.  Aren't they the ones who always remember to take napkins at the fast food outlet.  You guys know it because the women in your life were always shouting at you to "stop that!"  You women know that because you're always disgusted when you see a guy sneak his hands down to his pants to wipe the fingers that held his crispy fried chicken, or his potato chips or sugary pastry .  Shheeeesshh, ladies, what's your problem?  Pants don't ever get dirty anyway.  Getting dirty is for shirts, hankies, ties, sweaters, socks and underwear, but pants?  Of course not.  So, ladies, get back to dresses and skirts and make more wiping material available to the men of the world.  


You know what?  The other day a friend told me that she loves "365 Thoughts..." because it is so smooth and so scholarly.  No kidding, she said that.  Now, you don't think that I'm going to let her get away with that, do you?  She's the reason why I had to place the warning at the top.  She has three boys.  Four, including Hubby.  Not that Hubby would ever wipe his hands on his pants.  Not him.  Except when he's alone in his truck and he forgot his paper towels at home.  After this she's going to force me to buy him "truckware" paper towels.  Sorry, Ed.
To satisfy my dear friend, the truck driver's Voice from the Kitchen, tomorrow I will be more intellectually rewarding.  Really.  I want her to forget I said all these silly things.