HOW LONG IS A PIECE OF STRING?

How long is a piece of string?  I really don't want any wise crack answers from any of you.  I mean, how many answers could there really be?  Think about it for a short while and when you think you have the answer, raise your hand and go to the bathroom.  You have my permission in advance.  Let me give you a hint.  The brightest answer is the same is how long is an hour?  It's even the same answer as How far is a mile?  This is so easy, that If you keep wondering and kanoodling around with this easy stuff, we'll never get to the hard stuff.  While you're fighting with that, quick, tell me what a ship weighs when it leaves the pier?  See, this stuff is ultra simple.  It's just one of the exercises that you have to do on a daily basis to avoid being victimized by Alzheimer's disease.  You have to exercise your brain.  Some questions blind-side you and when you open your eyes you ask yourself how you could have thought that the question was intelligent to begin with.  Now, while you're still trying to figure out how long a piece of string is, let me ask for help with this one that I have been fiddle-faddling around with all day:  "How do you lift an elephant with one hand?"  Hah!  You'll never get that one. That's Divine engineering stuff that no human can calculate his/her way out of.  I have to tell you that it is much more meaningful than that stupid question we had to solve as teen agers, "How do you put two elephants in a Volkswagen?"  That was ridiculously easy.  It was so easy that my friend didn't help me with it for at least three days.
You're all sitting there with your scrolling fingers itching, wondering when I am going to reach the bottom and give you a list of answers.  HEY YOU, come back up here.
OK, I'll cave in and give you a list of answers:
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That long enough for you?  You really didn't think that I would divulge the answers to such magnificently esoteric secrets, did you?


You want answers, send a picture of Benjamin Franklin kissing Marie Antoinette.