Ankyloglossia can affect feeding, speech and oral hygiene as well as have mechanical/social effects. Yeah, more about some of this stuff later. Keep your eye on the "mechanical/social effects."
Actually, the first social effect that it had on me was that I was plunged into the morass of doubt that is caused by a hospital nursery switcheroo. Oh, yeah. It happened to me. I found out when I was about 16 or so. I knew that I had been born with an abnormality, you know, the "Ankylo..." thing, but never thought that it was the trigger that gave away the "baby swapping caper." It was at a baseball game that all of this came to light. My parents, EFR and MJT Dion were taking a Saturday off from their busy schedule to watch the baseball team that I was part play a strong competitor from across town. In the course of comparing one another's faces, it came to light that the women sitting next to one another in the bleachers had indeed been acquainted in the past, not only occasionally as single maidens, but also in the hospital where they had delivered their prized baby boys. It was then that they discovered that during the ignominious sojourn in the hospital, their babies had been switched by the nursery staff. There they sat watching us play baseball on the same team. We remained completely oblivious that we were each other since birth. They told us after the game. I met my temporary surrogate "Mom." You have to imagine the jokes that knowing this caused. Not just between us principals, but among our teammates, of course. It was a good thing that this was late in the Summer, so the fun did not last long. In a way, it is too bad. I haven't seen that boy since then. I would not recognize him, not even if we were sharing the same crib. Fat chance, right?
My mother knew right away that something was not right. She had noticed my handicap right away. When she didn't see it in the baby she was given to hold per the feeding schedule, she called the nurse and told her. According to MJT there was some mean language used, but the situation did get resolved, and I found my way back to my mother's...ummm...arms.
Good thing too, because as a matter of fact my "Ankyloglossia" thingy's effect was that the "mechanical/social effect" had kicked in early. I didn't have the mechanics needed to ... ummm ... feed properly. Now, that can be a problem. In my case, a big problem. Anyone who knew MJT can attest to that. After this last clue, you have to know what my physical disorder was. My lingual frenulum was too short and too thick. Big problem!
fortunately, there was a handy, dandy tool laying around the O.R. that was used to solve the problem. You got it, they excised the problem in the attic and decided to spare the little guy in the cellar. Therefore, friends and neighbors, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, aunts and uncles and everyone else in between, I quickly overcame my handicap. So I escaped the hell of the mechanical problems but developed the one that developed from the "social effects" to an exceedingly astounding degree. You can tell.
How else would I be able to weave a story this long about being born tongue-tied?
Now are you sure that I am who I say I am? Am I sure that I am who my mother said that I am? If "Chevy" Chevalier is still alive, is he sure who he is? There is perhaps no way that neither he, nor you, nor I will know until we meet someday in the Garden of Eden. I will be glad to be there because by then my tongue will be in shape for one of those low hanging apples.
This a true story. We attest under penalty of perjury that not one single tongue-tied little fact was permanently harmed in the production of this narrative documentary. We also attest that there is not one single plagiaristic syllable contained herein.
No comments:
Post a Comment