FRIDAY, JANU...WHA...? IT'S NOT 13!?%#%&$#!!

CLICK HERE FOR THE TRUE DATE OF FRI. 13

Wa'd'I do?  Ya mean I missed it?  How could I do that?  That's not right.  I mean I have a calendar in front of me and all.  I want my money back.  There's gotta be a way for me to get my money back for this cheap free calendar that I got.  Oh, oh, I'm sure out of luck now, because Friday the 13th is now on the 20th, the bad luck is that the Catholics who put out the calendar are not giving refunds on bad-luck days.  I have a lot of similar experiences with these "free" calendars.  I had a bad time last year when in February it was written that it was New Years.  Ouch!  What a shock.  I got myself all in a lather about that.  I put my best silk underwear on [red] and stormed out of the house and made straightaway for the Chinese place where I had gladly accepted their gift after I had bought fifty pounds of the premium Thai rice.  [This year's crop, it said.  It always says that.  But that's another story.]  But those Chinese, man, they are tough.  They would not cave in.  There was no way I could get them to give me my refund.  The argument got rather heated when I suddenly, to my great "Now, I gotcha" surprise, I caught another dumb mistake.  There it was!  Friday the 13th was on Sunday.  I jumped all over them.  Know what?  They stuck by their guns.  No refund.  Period.  Get lost.  We stand by our product.  You no like it, move to Peking.  No, don't move to Peking.  Maybe you eat all our ducks.  You stay home and read Catholic calendar.  So this year I took their advice and I got a Catholic Calendar.  As you can see, I still have a battle on my hands.  
Now, to maintain my honor and in the interest of full disclosure I say this.  
The humor on this page is only partly purely mine.  The underlying  philosophy behind this calendar page comes from my favorite cartoonist, Walt Kelly, the author of Pogo the Possum and the creator of Churchy LaFemme, the obsessed triskadeikaphobic of the Okeefenokee Swamp.  I had a hard time finishing this article because I spend so much time on the Internet reliving some of the best, funniest moments of my young life.  When I sat down to write this, I had the Friday the 13 idea, and it just took off.  I knew I was building on the philosophy of Walt Kelly, which I have never forgotten.  I didn't think it would look as it does.  I hope you enjoy it.  I found a lot about Friday 13 and Churchy, but the link below the cartoon cel has several story line series of five or six cels that made me laugh until it hurt.  

http://www.batesline.com/archives/2012/01/churchy-lafemmes-friday-the-13th.html