I had a roasted chicken and a jar of peanut butter. It was 6:00 PM. I thought that I had hit the jackpot. There was a line with only four people in it. Sweet. All the other lines, five in all, were really backed up, even the "fast lane." I slide into place and dreams of sugar plums are dancing in my head. Until I notice that there are only three people in what was a lane chock-a-block with humanity a mere 10 minutes ago. I, in my "jackpot lane" have not moved one millimeter. I check the other lanes. Same scenario. I check the person in front of me. It's still the same person as it was before. So, no one slipped in between us. I check further up my line and I realize that the same person who was there for what are now 15 minutes since my arrival is still there and shows no sighs of relenting. Worse, if there can now be a "worse", there are three people behind me, and only one with a mountain of stuff in the cart. I have to say that the Voice from the Kitchen is sitting at home with a vicious growl in her tummy. My first reaction to the situation comes in two parts. [1] Good thing we do not have a rolling pin in the house. [2] George Gobel (Remember him?) had a joke about grocery store lines. I'm amusing myself here, folks, because we still are still, if you get my meaning. Ol' Lonesome George, as he had a wont to call himself, said that he was in the grocery store checkout line with a loaf of bread when a lady with a mountainously overburdened cart tapped him on the shoulder and asked, "Sir, would you mind if I went ahead of you?" OOhhh, the guy in front just left. I'm looking for Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane to thank him for making the number one miscreant in line finally leave. But now Boss Hoggs is at the register and he's arguing with the cashier. Seems he bought a box of matches with which he hoped to light his famously over sized stogies. Much to his dismay, the very first match refused to light. Naturally, Hoggs decided to complain rather than to try another match. More than complaining, he was raising hell and putting a prop under it. Finally, the cashier gave him a refund, took a few more rounds of acrimony from the Misanthrope and went on to the person in front of me. Wow, it sure did help to inject some humorous TV personalities into my life. I'm next and the guy in front of me has no groceries. Oh, I did win the jackpot. This is going to take but a nanosecond. OOOHHH, NOOOOO! The cashier is walking away from his station and going into the office. We're stranded. The guy in front of me turns and says to no one in particular (I hate when they do that) "He ran out of cash." Wait just one minute. What does that have to do with us standing here waiting for 30 minutes to GIVE him money? Now the incongruity of my situation is overwhelming. There is no one in the check out lines who was here a half hour ago, except a couple of dunces such as we...After about five minutes the cashier comes back, counts out about 600 dollars in exchange for the guy's paycheck, turns to me and says, "Next." I say, "Who, me?" I point to the lady behind me and ask, "Would you like to go ahead of me?" The cashier laughed, the lady laughed and me I smiled because I wondered if it was proper to laugh when I knew what was waiting for me at home. :-(! No more fun and games folks. It's face the music time now with a cold chicken under one arm and a mad chick in the kitchen.
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