HEY, I MADE IT! LOOK UP, I'M HERE ON CLOUD NINE

Oh yeah, God made a mistrake.  In fact He made more than one.  First off I'm Catholic, so I was supposed to be left behind to fry in Hell for all eternity.  He apologized to me just about an hour ago.  I told Him it was OK, so so long as He didn't send me back.  He assured me that He would not do that.  During His apology He admitted that he got confused by the Daylight Savings thing.  See, back in the days when He was not quite so busy and could relax a bit doing some fishing in Galilee, life was simpler.  The sun revolved around the earth and there were two time zones...night and day, just the way He made it at the very beginning.  So He got confused.
The other thing that got Him confused and really nearly fried the Archangel Raphael's brain was that the only people who recognized him and vice versa were the Catholics and the Orthodox.  He knew that they weren't eligible for salvation, but he was running out of time because he couldn't find anyone he knew except those who were ineligible.  It's really too bad, but God should never have sent him to do this work in the first place.  Poor guy is the star of a book that Luther burnt some 400 years ago.  I'll bet that Luther threw that book away because it shows the Holy Archangel Raphael telling a white fib, right near the beginning of the story.   Everything works out well in the end, but Ol' Luther didn't cotton to archangels who can can be underhanded, I guess, so he rubbed out poor Archangel Raphael.  So, anyhow, everything is cool.  Here I am and there you are.  I know it's going to be rough for you but I promise that now that God Himself has had to apologize to me, I'm going to work on Him to get the people who know some of His most favorite individuals forever, get raptured too, someday.  Hey, fair is fair; just is just.  Those of you who know and love the Archangel Raphael, the heroine Judith, the brave and courageous Maccabees and the fullness of the life of Daniel have to be brought home too.  I'm really rather happy that Archangel Raphael bumped into me.  We're getting pretty tight together.  Tonight we're going to challenge Archangel Michael and old Buzzard Reverend Camping to a round of Bridge.  See, Camping doesn't know Raphael like I do.  I guarantee that as a team, Archangel Raphael and I can beat anyone at anything.  I mean, hey, anyone who can dissimulate in the Bible and get away with it can't be beaten at anything, can he?  Let me tell you something else, when I run into Marty L, he's going to hear it from me.  Yeah, Catholic me.  He's going to get an earful for insulting some of the best and the bravest of God's own people by burning the books that they star in.  I hope that God will force him to eat them just as He did with Ezechiel.  Only, I hope that he will dip them in Nuc Mam for three days before making the star of Wittenburg eat them.  By the way, the talk around heaven is that we Catholics have to pray and sacrifice more and harder for our brothers and sisters in Purgatory.  Get with it, Y'All.