Whatever they are, the one I am using now just refused to recognize the font with which I started this composition. I am telling you, I did not make any changes to the font setting. The מחשב decided to do its own thing, without my permission. Worse yet, it is not even taking the easy way out and begging for forgiveness. So what started out to be a cute little story about the idiosyncrasies of computers just went off on its own tangent and I am left here trying to figure out how to get back to the starting line because of an idiosyncratic מחשב. In the name of peace and harmony I am going to let it [notice I did not switch to feminine] do its own thing while I catch my breath and tell you what I started to tell you from the moment I wrote the title.
The first paragraph is all truth. Each little sentence about what computers are not, is a comment on the name by which computers are known in several other languages. We call them computers, because we put the emphasis on the mathematical prowess of the invention. The French call them "organizers" thereby eschewing the mathematical prowess and emphasizing the logical magic of the invention. Some languages call them "computers" but with a word that is sometimes feminine and sometimes masculine. {Yeah, don't forget that "feminine" and "masculine" are grammatical realities, not human ones.} No matter, they can sometimes be rather baffling. Now, here's the root of the story.
Yesterday, a laptop in our household stopped typing. No provocation. No altercation. Nothing. Just that all of a sudden the keyboard and the trackpad stopped functioning. Yep. Just laid there and dared us to bring them back to life. Hoo Boy! What a nerve wracking 30 minutes that brought about. Long story short, I called my son, he told me to Google it. I Googled it and it worked. The directions I found actually were a solution to the problem. But I must say that going in I was rather dubious about the validity of the process. But, rather than thinking of $$$$$, I figured I would pass the time trying out the proposed process of bringing the laptop back to full revivicence. [I made that one up too.] It was written in Google to, 1. Remove the battery. 2. disconnect the external power source. Now comes the killer, 3. Push the on/off switch down for one minute (be sure that it is ONE minute.). Now you see why I was dubious. Carry the thing across town away from all electrical sources and press the on/off switch for one minute. Hunh? I call my mind back to the picture of the $$$$$. I don't like the ugliness of the picture, so...
I get out my stop watch. I poise my finger over the switch, I start the clock, I press the switch. I'm so far gone that at the 50 second point I decide to go for 64 seconds, just for good measure. 64 ... scrreeech. Phew. Made it. Now let's see. Battery reinserted. Power plug reinserted. I check Google to see if it is OK to press the power switch again. No instructions. I figure I'll give it a shot. Press. Stare at the monitor. Glare at the trackpad. Cross my fingers. Hold my breath. Control the curses that are bubbling up in the esophagus. Now, look at that. It's all lit up. I put my finger gently on the "J", yep, I remember it was the "J". It worked! I'll be damned, it worked! Besides, It is now 30 hours later and it is still working.
Now, do you doubt that computers don't compute? To fix the idiots, you deprive them of power and them depress the power switch to "ON" for one minute so that they can resurrect. You explain that to me and I will then know that you too are a מחשב.
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