Monday, February 6, 2012
WALK A MILE IN MY SHOES
Walk a mile in my shoes? You'll never get to know me because then I won't have any shoes to run after you with. So, if you want to know me, have a seat right there on the other side of the table and we'll talk a bit. After that you can judge whether or not you really want to know me. If you don't know after that bit, then you'll just have to count on the fact that I won't want you to know me anyway. Let alone let you borrow my shoes to walk a mile in. Especially if they happen to be the $155.00 + 8.5% sales tax luxury items I bought this morning. "Ain't nobody, nohow gonna walk no mile in them puppies. Not without me in 'em too!" Now, I'd like you to try doing that in order to get to know me. It is rather difficult to picture the effort that a person would go through in order to test this aphorism. In the first place it would have to be a man, because that is what the source quote says. Maybe it isn't necessary to walk a mile in a female person's shoes in order to get to know her. I know that the Voice from my Kitchen [Belle, for you who haven't walked a mile in her shoes yet] hasn't walked a mile in my shoes and yet she claims to know me rather well. I also know for a fact that I haven't walked a mile in her shoes. There are many reasons for that. I will leave it up to your imagination what some of them may be. The first one is that she wears a size three, wide. You can just imagine what I would have to go through to get into those little guys. I would have had to grow up with my feet bound as an infant in China...Hmmm...No, that wouldn't work because they didn't do that to boys.
The reason why I am not about to permit anyone to borrow these shoes for a mile walk is the price. I had no idea that the price of shoes could be that high. It made me wonder what kind of money I could get for enough of my hide to fashion a pair of size "7 wide" comfort shoes. I could perhaps be persuaded to provide the raw material sometime before Christmas to defray some of the Holiday Social Requirements that we all fear so much. I just may look into that this year. Who knows, maybe manhide may be more valuable than cowhide. It stands to reason after all. Cows only eat grass. We eat all kinds of expensive stuff, so our hide must be a lot more precious than Bossie's. Anyway, no matter what. Just be satisfied that you don't know me. You aren't going to get my shoes. Besides, I haven't heard of anybody getting stopped and cited and fined for not letting people walk in an expensive pair of shoes just to get to know the person better. Therefore, good night and go polish your own shoes because I heard that tomorrow a bunch of people are going to try to get to know you. Don't forget to provide the shoe horn.