THE BACK PAGE FIRST PAGE

I was a very devoted aficionado of "Mad Magazine."  Of course one of my favorite features of the magazine was the monthly fold-in that was drawn by a man name Al Jaffee.  Al is now ninety years of age and is still performing his routine of "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions."
I chose this because I have designed a new blog that is meant to be the home of my as yet unfinished autobiography.  Now the reason why my autobiography has yet to be completed is because I am still alive.  For this very obvious reason I have not been able to compose the last chapter.  In the past, during the very first moments that I made the decision to do this, I had a subterfuge all designed and composed in fact, to get around the "last chapter" problem.  I decided that since I was [still am] an inveterate reader of the last page of any publication, first, I would start my autobiography with the introduction on the last page inside the back cover.  Back then, this was an easy hurdle to scale.  Now that there are no last pages to "turn" to, I am really stuck.  There are no electronic "last pages" because everything is measured by the clock and the calendar. So it is that in this day and age, the last page is always on top and in the front.  So why am I complaining?   So, I am going to be true to my self and put the "last page" that I composed some years ago on the first page of the blog.  Since every page of a blog is dated, I may bring myself to manipulating the date manually in an effort to stay true to myself.  Maybe.  All the while cheating the computer into thinking that this is the first post of the blog, no matter what.  But for the time being, I am so confused, I think I am going to have to lie down and count to at least ten.
There is one good thing about the autobiography of one, PA Dion.  It is not chronologically presented.  It is more a "stream of consciousness" frivolity that is meant to entertain as much as to edify and educate.  Both of these words carry a promise that is out my reach to fulfill, but they sound promising, don't they?  Just like "MAD" magazine.  Believe it or not, the original outline of  this project, though conceived as a paper and pencil "oeuvre" was not planned as a chronological progression.  So see, I am avant-garde, even at my age.  So, maybe, right from the very start of this whole thing, there never really was a "last page."  Oh, my, oh my!
Just to give you a peep at the now "First" page of the work, I proceed with no further ado.
Hey, what are you doing here?  Don't you know that in this country and in this culture we start a book from left to right, not from right to left?  But, hey, I know that there are enough of you out there who have the same curiosity that I have always had.  I start at the back of the book too.  But with me, it's mostly in the magazine stuff that I get hooked.  I can't ever remember reading Time, Newsweek, Mad, Sports Illustrated and a host of others from the front to the back.  It just always seems more interesting that way.
So, this page is dedicated to all of you who are like me.  Enjoy yourselves for a moment.  I will submit to to conventional Occidental culture from this moment on and take things from left to right.  If you keep going in the right to left direction, you are going to have some mighty boring stuff staring you in the face.  You know, Index, End Notes... Hey wait a minute, end notes can be kinda fun, right?
OK folks, this is all the right-brain power I have for the moment.  Now it is back to the system that got us here.  Just start here and work your way through this mess and this will become the last page over time.  That's probably the the only logical thing that you'll experience between these covers.  Certainly the only true chronological one.  Hope you enjoy it.