A DOCTOR'S [MD] WISDOM

Hey, I went to see a doctor today for something really benign, but interesting.  For about a year now I have this uncomfortable feeling in the upper left hand corner of my back.  It feels like an itch but even my best Chinese backscratcher thingie doesn't make it go away.  So, two weeks ago I decided to talk to my Primary Care Sawbones about it. I figured, "Hmmm, maybe this could be cancer or some such pesky disorder.  So, I showered, powdered and other such things that you do when you prepare do disrobe in front of a stranger.  I have to admit, I really felt quite spiffy.  Amost like going to the Junior Senior Prom, for goodness sake.  So after the usual preliminary security screen, like you know, First name, Last name, weight, age, blood pressure, pulse, temperature, what drugs you're on to stay alive and where does it hurt, I was ushered into the 10 x 10 cubicle, still fully clothed and told that the doctor would be in shortly.
I sat there for about 5 minutes and then the Man walked in after knocking on the door to announce his presence.  That was rather unnecessary since I was still as modestly covered as when the nurse abandoned me.  I told the Doc why I had come.  He put his hands deftly on my back,over my clean shirt, rubbed around the area a little bit and said, "You've got arthritis."  Heee, Haaww, this guy has been seeing me for 12 years and he announces to me that he has discovered that I have arthritis.  I was torn a being at a fork in the mental road...Was it better to discover that this guy finally found out that I have arthritis or to celebrate that arthritis is not nearly as deadly as cancer?  So, guess what - I shrugged and asked, "So how many people have arthritis in the upper back?"  He said, I don't know, but you do."
Now, he can also read my mind.  I'm saying to myself, "This guy never even came close to touching my bare body and he announces that he knows I have arthritis.  Maybe he's gambling because he knows that it's not cancer and that I have had the gout for nigh on to 45 years."
So, because he can read this, he says, "Go down the hall to X-ray.  If I see anything strange, I'll call you."  Hmmm.  I paid $25.00 for this!
So, I go to X-ray, pay another $25.00, get a few pictures taken (even at my age she protects the jewels with the lead shield) and I walk away.
I don't have anything to worry about.  The prognosis is for non fatal pain - for now.
Rrinnggg...Yeah, a week later.  The doc is sending me to a speciaist in "Physical medecine."  No kidding,  Physical medecine.  As opposed to what?  Or maybe I should ask, related to what?  So, what the heck, I may as well go, even if only to find out what Physical medecine is all about.
I go.  Same routine.  This time,when she asked me how tall I am I said, "Tall enough so that my feet reach the floor."  She laughed, and when all of that was determined, I went into another 10 x 10 room.
In comes the doc.  A mere child.  Small Asian kid.  I'm thinking, "This guy ain't getting physical with me."  He's looking at me a little strangely, but I can't figure out why.  But then he shows me the famous X-rays and repeats the diagnosis, "You have arthritis."  Then he answers the obvious question, "Not too many people have arthritis in the upper back because there's not much bone movement up there."  Phew, I'm glad we got that out of the way.  I'm also glad that now I can actually celebrate the fact that I have arthritis.  I tell him that and he smiles and says, "I know why you're happy.  I was surprised to see how much better you look in person than you do on paper."
Huh?  "Yeah, when I walked in after reading the stat sheet and saw you I thought that I was in the wrong room."
So there.  Not only do I have arthritis in a weird location but I found out all about it without taking one stitch of clothes off to find out.  That's good, because if that young boy doctor would have seen me naked, he would have discovered that I look worse in person than I do on paper.