FATHERS DAY

Fathers day Google web -- 247,000,000 in .19 seconds

Fathers day Google image -- 33,600,00 in .15 seconds

Mothers day Google image -- 20,200,000 in .05 seconds

Mothers day Google web -- 134,000,000 in .15 seconds

Why does it take longer for Google to find information for Father's day than it does to find information for Mother's day?  At least those are the numbers that came up when I conducted the search for this post at 8:57 PM PDT on June 15, 2011, three short days before the papier mache recognition day of the fathers of the United States.  Don't you men feel as though Google should be sued for discrimination[no, wait, isn't this reverse discrimination]?  There has to be something wrong here.  We men should organize a walk on Washington or some place important.  Oh, wait, I know one, Wassila, Alaska.  That's the perfect place for a father's day demonstration March.  We would not even have to walk.  We could let the dogs walk and pull while we ride the sled.  That's it!  I like it for another reason.  All the income that the profiteers who invented these silly "days" would be left holding the bag while we would be basking in 24 hour sunlight, burnishing our tans and bar-b-cu-ing salmon.  Wwwhooo, and then we would be able to wash all this wonderful grub down with vodka that the Russians smuggled in via the one Aleutian Island that is only three miles away from their beloved Chernobyl infested homeland.  It would be a perfect time.  We could all practice our right and left eye winks, our side-to-side nods to replace the front-to-back-to-front ones that we usually practice in the lower 49 ... Is that it?or is it the Southeastern 38?  Gosh, I'm a little vodka'd here, so let me check my New York Times for the right number.  Oh, boy, this isn't as easy as I thought it was going to be.  Ol' Murphy told me that one time.  Wasn't Murphy from Québec?  [Puleeze notice the correct accent there]  With a name like that in a place such as that, no wonder he made a bunch of laws up that added up to the addled life he must have had in the upper 10 + 3.
Now, all you fathers, single, married, hetero, metro and retro, have a good time on Sunday, even if you do not participate in the walk on Wassila.  I hope that the card your child's mother buys for him/her to give you stimulates the economy enough to get you back to work.  If not, you might try hiring yourself out as a mercenary somewhere.  The military I.E.D. economy is booming in so many places, there's got to be some of that work available.  Bring your cell phone.
Signed:
Valentine's, Mother's, Father's Day anti-fan.