DON'T HOLD YOUR BREATH

You're not going to believe this, but this thought kept the back of my mind busy all day.  It rambled all over the place and took me down some paths that I never thought I would walk with such enthusiasm.  It started out with the thought that we humans, as well as many other mammals, don't have to think about breathing.  We just do it.  I thought about this because I caught myself being conscious of my breathing rhythm.  There it was, as I was watching myself in the mirror breathe in and out.  I counted it and I did 17 complete "round trips" in one minute.  I was a little disappointed at that.  I was hoping that because of my average 55 @ minute pulse rate, I would be down in about the 13 or 14 breaths per minute range.  But, no.  But then again, 17 can't be that bad.  It seems to me that at one point of my life I heard that 20 was the average human rate.  I walked away from in front of the mirror and went to the coffee pot.  Now, Mother Nature keeps me alive by reflex, involuntary breathing action, but I keep myself alive with well-planned, voluntary coffee brewing action.  But this morning was my breathing day.  All of a sudden the thought came to me that it is said that certain mammals are not endowed with an involuntary breathing system.  They have to want to breathe.  Whoaa, there!  Are you kidding me?  Hey, we humans want to breathe too, and we have two choices.  Let nature do it, [we want that, right?] or stop nature from doing it and die.  So that was fine, and I didn't get too excited about it.  The coffee was a lot more interesting at this point.  HHmmm, now, that's living.  Three sips later the voluntary breathing thing took over again.  I was running this through my coconut.  34 times per minute I would have to make a decision to breathe, first in, and then out.  Things then got really weird because I wondered if I would make the decision to breathe out, first and then breathe in.  It got so bad that I forgot to sip again for at least ten minutes.  Things are bad folks, I'm fasting involuntarily from my coffee sipping, life sustaining, elbow bending morning exercises.  If I had to will myself to breathe, when would I have time to do anything else?  Suppose I got over arguing with myself over the "in" or "out" question, everything would go smoothly in the breathing department, but everything else would go to pot.  How could I write funny stories?   How could I talk?  I could perhaps eat and drink and boil water, but that would be the extent of my existence.  What about sleep?  I wouldn't be able to shut it all down and sleep.  I would die in a minute or so.  Now, let me tell you, I am thanking God on both knees [we Catholics kneel down to pray] that He gives us the grace of involuntary breathing, 24 / 7, or as they say in Europe, 7 / 24.  I get up from my knees and realize that I have to nuke my coffee because it has now become lukewarm.  In the minute and a half of the nuking process, I remember that I had heard that dolphins and whales have to want to breathe.  They have to make a conscious decision to start breathing, not just to stop. No wonder all they do all day is swim, eat, make funny noises and breathe.  Yeesh!  What a life!  I began to be a little more comfortable about the breathing thoughts that I was having.  I rescued my coffee from the nuclear reactor, made myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for breakfast, returned the ingredients and the implements to their resting places, took a bite of the sandwich and then it hit me.  Do dolphins and whales sleep?  They can't breathe under water, so they have to stay awake all the time in order to live.  So, they don't sleep.  Poor slobs.  I pity them.  Imagine living 25 years straight without sleep?  Case closed.  I finished my breakfast, went to check on my email, got another cup of coffee, took a little walk outside before it got too hot...Oh, no!  Case not closed.  You don't know if dolphins don't sleep.  Maybe they can take one giant breath and hold it for a few hours and grab 40 winks.  How do you know that they don't sleep?  By now I want my brain to shut up.  This started out being about breathing and now I'm worrying about the sleep habits of a marine mammal.  Howwever, I come in, go to Google, of course, and find the answer.  Dolphins sleep with only one half of their brain shut down.  They lolly-gag around near the surface with one eye open and one eye closed.  Grab a nap and then switch sides.  So there.  They do sleep.  In fact, just about every single living thing sleeps, or does something like it...even those that breathe voluntarily, those that breathe involuntarily and those that don't look like they're breathing at all, but are.
Here is a simple English Internet page that I stumbled on this morning during the turmoil in my brain about this stuff.
http://www.sleephomepages.org/sleepsyllabus/b.html
Warning:  If you are the slightest type of nerdy wonk, this page will hook you and not let go.
Good night, All.  I am now gladly turning my breathing activity over to my guardian angel for the night.  I got bad service from Morpheus last night.  I figured it would be good to give my G.A. a rest.  It turned out to be a bad idea.