I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT, GOLF'S NOT A SPORT

HEY, I'm vindicated.  Golf is not a sport.  Not any more than bird watching, driving a race car,playing bridge or fighting at a hockey game.  Now that they have to argue about whether or not a person can anchor his leverage point for a swing meant to direct a stationary ball I am convinced that this is nothing but wimps playing "watching the grass grow" with a ball [stationary, of course] for an excuse.

No wonder Tiger had time for extra-curricular activities.  There just wasn't enough challenge to his day job.  

I have never been much of a golf guy.  It reminds me too much of wine guys.  They never have a enough time at any event to tell people all that they really think everyone should know about their area of expertise.  Real athletes who compete in real sports can generally get the conversation job done in about 25 words or less.  Like, "Yeah, I did a mile in 3:5352618 in the Olympics last year."  Or we have the hockey player who can get it done just before the final buzzer, "I beat Jacques Plante with 0:0627831 seconds left on the clock with a slap shot from the left point, in Montreal." [Italics, his] 

I have no idea what golfers drink, but I happen to know at least one  hockey player who doesn't drink anything but straight Bourbon, neat.  

Look, if you're going to play a sport, play one that's going to make you sweat. Play one where the ball moves.  Heck, they don't call Bridge players athletes do they?  Oh, not yet, you say.  Hmmm, I suppose that the day will come.  These days anything can happen, sex has turned into gender, so I suspect that golf and bridge can turn into sports.

There remains one essential question: "What are the golfers who grew sturdy bellies to anchor their clubs going to do if the belly anchor becomes a no-no?  Maybe they'll have to take up bridge where they will be able to anchor their elbows on the table.

Oh, I loved writing this one!

GOOFY FOOT GOLFERS? REALLY?

Don't ask me why.  I was coming home from driving the Voice from the Kitchen to her day job when I got the thought: "Do all golfers retrieve their ball with the same foot in the air behind them?  If not, are there "regular foot" golfers and "goofy foot" golfers?
As 100% of you already know what "goofy foot" means, I will forego the explanation.  RRingggg!!  Yeah? Yeah? Really?  Uh, ok.
She didn't know what "goofy foot" means.  Yeesh...do I have to do this?  I'm from Massachusetts.  How do you expect me to know what it is?  I thought I could be slick and get away from having to show my ignorance.  Anybody from California or Hawaii knows what "goofy foot" means.  It's really rather simple.  It is a water boarding t...?  Huh?  It's not? You sure?  I see 'em all over the beach.  Oh, those aren't water boards?  Really.  There in the water half the time.  Ah, I see.  SURF boards.  HHeee!  Wow.  That really is different.  Phew!  Thank you.  So, back to the head of the class.  "Goofy foot" is a surf boarding term that pertains to the foot that the surfer prefers to put to the front of the board as he/she stands sideways with one foot behind the other.  Like this.  See, the man's right foot is the one in front and the left foot is in back.  That is "goofy foot."

Believe it or not, I have come to know that there are beaches in the world that are especially fitted to "goofy foot" surfers.  I haven't done any great amount of research about this, but I have been assured by Californians who lived for many years in Surfer Heaven, AKA, Encinitas, California, that beaches with  that proclivity actually do exist.  Only, not in California, thence the term, goofy foot.  This train of thought can bring you to levels of imagination beyond the normal, everyday mental environment to which most people become accustomed.  Most days are not times of great flights of extraordinarily daring imaginations.  Most times we spend the day wondering about whether or not to have salmon-head soup for supper, or just duck down to the pizza place for ham and pineapple toppings.  [Do you want anchovies with that sir?]  Serious.  That's California for ya.
Now you can see by the top photo that the young man taking the ball out of the hole is "goofy footed." Actually, his footedness is perhaps the least of his goofiness.  I mean, the guy whales away at a little white ball that a dog could go for and bring back.  But not this guy.  He knocks it a mile then chases it himself.  If he had a dog do it, then he wouldn't have to look to see if it fell into a hole someplace.  In fact, it seems to have done just that this time.  Well, I'm not going to disappoint you.  I did find the perfect dog for the job.  It took a while, but I found a "goofy foot" dog.  Perfect match for the fella digging the ball out of the hole, dontcha think?