ASSERTIVE AND SUBMISSIVE GO TOGETHER, REALLY

Human Behavior: When I read how to be more assertive, the language sounds submissive to me.   That's too weird!

Now, I am not a psychologist, but here is my personal experience.

Sure does sound weird. The fact is that when you say that it is in submission that we find the strength to be more assertive, it sure does sound paradoxical.   You know what?  It is.

Nevertheless, in fact, in order to be successfully assertive one must be submissive to a certain extent.  The person who deletes all submission from human relationships will not be seen as assertive but as cruel. 

To be successfully assertive, one must accept and understand the leverage points that are available into the will of the other person.  Being assertive does not mean being adamant to the detriment of a relationship. 

Being assertive requires also a high dose of self-knowledge.  This quality will guide the degree of assertiveness that can be exercised in each case as it arises. 

As paradoxical as it may appear, successful assertiveness grows over time as the assertive person learns how, where, why, when and with whom to exercise the correct dose of assertiveness.  As paradoxical as it may seem, as we reflect on our experiences, it is true that after we have "lost a few" our assertiveness can grow.

Notice that what I have described here is not the "schoolyard bully."  Just the opposite.  Successful assertiveness is always accompanied by prudence and the desire for the mutual good.  Yes, that is why when you read about how to become more assertive, you will also read about submissiveness in the same breath. 

Just as you just did here.