PROVERBS, 3,000 YEARS OLD -- STILL YOUNG

SOLOMON TEACHING HIS PROVERBS

Yes, I am a Bible reader.  I read the Bible in many different ways.  I read it for the stories; I read it for the People in it.  Yeah, I'm an avid Bible-People, people watcher.  I also read the Bible for the humor that there is to be found there.  Like when David could have killed Saul when he found him obeying Mother
Nature's call in a cave.  David stole Saul's scarf, backed away out of the cave, went to a peak across the valley and waved the scarf in Saul's face from a safe distance.  A great "Gotcha" moment.  There are a lot of brave people in the Bible, like Moses and like Joshua, for instance.  Judith too. Now SHE is a favorite of mine.  God sends her to save the city where His people are being besieged.  She's newly widowed.  She doffs her mourning duds and puts on her make-up, goes to the besieging army's camp, finds the Captain, plies him with drink, seduces him to get herself invited to his tent.  He is so drunk that he falls asleep the minute he is in the warmth of the tent.  She unsheaths his sword and cuts off his head.  Score one for the brazen, saintly woman.  I am also an avid reader of old sayings.  I like them because the more I read them the more I realize that 3,000 years later, nothing has changed.  Here's a short favorite of mine: <Better open reproof than voiceless love.>  There are so many of these truth-filled sayings that I have been surfing them for years and I still get a kick out of them.  They are so true!  I am also a serious seeker of Bible poetry.  Not just in the Psalms.  Check out Kings and Chronicles.  You'll find great stuff.  There are so many REAL stories that bring the truth home to us today.  Read the story of Hagar and Sarah in Genesis and you will think either of yourself or of someone you know not too far away.  Think of the stage mother of the two apostles who walked up to Jesus and said, "I want that when my sons die, one will sit at your right and the other at your left."  Give me a break, lady!  I also enjoy the prayers of some of the psalms.  Gory stuff, and it's a prayer.  Go to psalm 137.  I read that and although I know it is wrong, I have to admit that I have similar thoughts.  Oh yeah, here's my point:
I often hear people say how good things were when they were younger.  How much simpler things were.  How much more pious and God fearing people were then.  I listen quietly and rarely do I contradict them although I know that it is not true.  I often think about the story of David.  He didn't have the Internet, movies, comic books and newspapers,  but he sure knew how to get around and ruin other people's lives.  He even had to run away from his own son. It's not for nothing that God forbade him from building a temple to house God.
The Bible is living proof that people have forever been super righteous, plain righteous, a little righteous, a little bad, bad, plain bad and downright EVIL.  As human beings, we will always be torn between good and evil, for as long as we live and as long as we exist as a race.  Get used to it.  It is our mission to make better everything that we can make better.  We can't do that by wishing for the past, becasuse the past doesn't hold the secret of good behavior.  The way we live the present in the hope of influencing the future is the secret of good behavior.  That's in the Bible too.  You don't even have to believe in God to find it there.  
As it happens, I believe in God.  I've been tested in my belief.  I'm still there.  I love the Bible so much, I fearlessly plug it as the most exciting collection of 73 books in such a small fraction of your home shelf space that you can find.  If you're Orthodox Christian, you have a few more books.  Lucky you.  Enjoy them.  Rest assured, the Bible is forever.  It is from God.  If it were from humans, it would have disappeared already.

GOD'S WORD -- HE HAS A SENSE OF HUMOR!

WHERE ARE YOU?

I have had some of these thoughts for a long time, so I figure that I may as well spring them loose on you.  I am sure that there are some among you who read the Bible now and then.  Just as I do.  I have to admit that there are certain parts of the Bible that make me smile.  Sometimes even an audible snort escapes.  Does the author of the Bible books intend humor?  Many very deeply intellectual people have written important documents on the subject.  The consensus is that though the Bible is not meant to be a humorous presentation, it does have a lot of low key, subtle humor.  The problem that most of us have is that we do not understand Hebrew.  That takes away our ability to appreciate the puns and the sarcasms and other forms of humor that are undoubtedly there.  My feel for Bible humor is more along the lines of comparing our beliefs about God and others and some of the sayings and actions that we read about.  I therefore invite you to try to see the humor in some of the following passages.

1. Genesis 3;9 - The LORD God then called to the man and asked him, "Where are you?"  'Scuse me?  You don't know where we are?  Hmmm...

2.  Genesis 8;1 - "and then God remembered Noah and all the animals, wild and tame, that were with him in the ark."  So, you just now remembered?  Thank you, Lord God.

3. Joshua 2;1-2 -- Then Joshua, son of Nun, secretly sent out two spies from Shittim, saying, "Go, reconnoiter the land and Jericho." When the two reached Jericho, they went into the house of a harlot named Rahab, where they lodged.  So, where else would soldiers go for a warm meal and a soft bed? Hmmm... [By the way, Rahab did help.  She saved their lives and changed hers.  She is in the Genealogy of Jesus in Matthew]

4. Judges 4; 1-8 -- Deborah the sitting Judge calls for Barak and tells him that Yaweh will help him to win a battle.  He is to go and get it done.  His response is: ... "If you come with me, I will go; if you do not come with me, I will not go." Real brave commander, eh?  Catch the name?  It means "Lightning." I wonder if he was left handed.  Now get the punch line.  This is rich:  "I will certainly go with you," she replied, "but you shall not gain the glory in the expedition on which you are setting out, for the LORD will have Sisera fall into the power of a woman."  Don't mess with Gog's women, Barak!

5. Tobit 5; 4 - 5 -- Listen while the Archangel Raphael tells a fib - "Tobiah went to look for someone acquainted with the roads who would travel with him to Media. As soon as he went out, he found the angel Raphael standing before him, though he did not know that this was an angel of God.  Tobiah said to him, "Who are you, young man?" He replied "I am an Israelite, one of your kinsmen. I have come here to work." Tobiah said, "Do you know the way to Media?"  Of course I do.  I've been there many times.  Read the story.  The unveiling is at the end.  There is a lot of "good stuff" in this wonderful story about good, God loving people.

I could go on and on, but I won't.  I had this thought because one of the most humorous passages in the Gospel is the entire chapter 9 of St. John's Gospel and it was read in church this past Sunday. The characters in this little drama are so wonderfully sculpted that it is impossible to read this chapter just once.  My favorite part is when the ex-blind man really takes it to the Pharisees, they take offense ... ""You were born totally in sin, and are you trying to teach us?" Then they threw him out." [John 9; 34]
Don't ya just love it?  Geddoutta here!  Think about it, you probably know someone to whom that has been done.  Maybe it was you.  I know that I've gotten the bum's rush a time or two...once by a bishop.  I showed him, I'm still alive and he isn't.  Schadenfreude!
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, cats and dogs, snakes and frogs, cows and asses, drink your water, eat your grasses, wear your fig leaves and your glasses, so when HE comes out from the blue, HE won't have to ask, "WHERE ARE YOU?"