TRANSLATION - CARRIED FROM ONE SIDE TO THE OTHER

I thought that I would have a little fun with my friends this evening.
I just came off a translation project that covered 35 pages of French legalese and actually I had quite a bit of pleasure doing it.  The most entertaining part of the project is that I had time to make it happen and to make it appealing.
The appealing part doesn't happen much.
We translators are just like other professionals.  We have job descriptions that are sugar and spice and everything nice on the top front of the blog article.  But, at the core of the reality it is rings and dings and no time to sing.  Look at that picture and you'll see what I mean.  Anything up there about being able to read the original text as well as the old time pharmacist could read doctor scratchings on prescriptions?  How about trying to decipher blurry scanned images submitted from a country in a handwriting style that makes you wonder how many ways there are in the world to write the letter "a"?  That never gets any press...or any verbal credit.  All this is one side of the abilities that a translator has to have.  Check out the picture below and you'll get another side of the "skills wanted" sollicitation for help...
Yep, I want it yesterday.  Sorry, lady, this is today.  One hour is the best I can do for you.
"Oh, thank you. This shouldn't be too hard, it's a Power Point show that only has 30 slides.  Not too many words."
Ha, Ha, Ha,  One hour eh?  And I have to keep the formatting, right?
"Oh, yes, please."
Hey, lady, what about the fact that the there are 30% more words needed in the language that you want in the show and you want to keep the formatting.  Hmmm, and now we have been talking for 15 minutes and the clock is running.  Yikes, lady, you gotta cut me some slack.
So the translator gets friendly, no, not THAT friendly. So he gets friendly and he gets some background about the purpose of the translation, the real deadline that she has and the audience for whom it is intended. As it turns out, it is still tight on the clock, but it is doable.  So we get friendly enough that I charge her for the minimum one hour and she agrees to come back at opening time in the morning instead of insisting on the hour.
They don't teach you that in school.
The hidden talent that doesn't get any press is the ability to be laser accurate in the art of carrying the meaning from one language to the other in the shortest time possible. This is a constant part of my life.  I translate many very interesting documents from many countries, for many different reasons and in many different variations of the same language but I rarely get the opportunity to enjoy what I am reading because I have one eye on the project and one on the clock.
So, this past week I had the whole week to do the 35 pages.  The challenge was that the English had to be exactly what the French was.  But I had a week! I actually had time to read it, think about it, translate it, read the translation, go back and read the French, reread and edit the translation, compare the two side by side (thank God for computers) and take 8 hours away from it to let it "ferment" a bit in cranium juice.  Come back, sip it a little bit, add a pinch of pizazz here and there and the first thing you know, you like it and you still have two hours before the deadline.  Now, that is the kind of work that a translator just plain loves.
Too bad there isn't too much of it around.
Now you know some of what I do in my old age.

SENIORS

14 YEAR OLD?  18 YEARS?  22 YEARS?  55 YEARS?

Now that I am 78, I am starting to take offense at the nonsense that gets aimed at old people.  Stuff like, "why is it that seniors are either cynical or bitter?"  Ha, you want cynical and/or bitter just get yourself a little closer here, whippersnapper and let me bloody your ear drum with the answer.  It starts with Y-O-U :-).
This is a question that actually appeared on the internet.
I answered, "Why'd you forget grouchy and humorous?"  I'm still waiting for the answer.  Must have been some teen ager who got put in his place by his 85 year old grandmother.  Man, I can't wait to be 85.  I promise you and myself that I am going to go hog wild that year.  Just beware, because I guarantee that it's gonna be a rich one.
Actually, we're neither cynical nor bitter.  We are the happiest bunch of humans around.  We have more funny things happen to us in the course of each and every single day that we have forgotten how to be cynical and bitter.  The most we get to be is grouchy but even our grouchy is humorous.  Let me give you a couple of examples.
Today, this very day, I was screwing in a light bulb [yes, Virginia, all by myself] and my silly, numb and arthritic hand dropped it and glass went flying all over the place. [It was a ceiling bulb)  It was also a $15.00 LED bulb.  So I scurried around sweeping and warning everyone not to walk around barefooted for a few days.  The one good thing about it is that it fell on the hardwood floor where the shards glisten in the light.  The one good thing that works well for me are my eyes.  But we won't get into that area of my capabilities, now, shall we? Ssshh!  
The other humorous thing is that my hands don't work well any more.  I have to read everything I write [ type ] at least three times before pressing "go."  And even then mstrakes ahpen!
Now, i GURANTEE that when the Voice from the Kitchen reads this the hail and brimstone is going to pour down on me for at least 1 hour.  Oh,yes.  Do you think that she's going to get the joke?  Ssuurre she will!
There is one thing for which I am very grateful in life - my plumbing is in good order.  The Off/On switches still work.  I do have a couple of false teeth but I only wear them when I go to church.  It's almost enough to make me a confirmed C & E Catholic, but not quite.
Finally, I still have enough hair on my head to make me look a lot younger than I really am, ya know,  around 76 or 77, maybe!
My voice is getting weaker too.  That's quite embarassing when the 85 year old guy in Bible Study class can talk over me when things get hot...yeah, in MY Bible classes that does happen.
So see, we old people are not cynical and bitter.  We're grouchy in a humorous way.  Don't forget it.

ASSERTIVE AND SUBMISSIVE GO TOGETHER, REALLY

Human Behavior: When I read how to be more assertive, the language sounds submissive to me.   That's too weird!

Now, I am not a psychologist, but here is my personal experience.

Sure does sound weird. The fact is that when you say that it is in submission that we find the strength to be more assertive, it sure does sound paradoxical.   You know what?  It is.

Nevertheless, in fact, in order to be successfully assertive one must be submissive to a certain extent.  The person who deletes all submission from human relationships will not be seen as assertive but as cruel. 

To be successfully assertive, one must accept and understand the leverage points that are available into the will of the other person.  Being assertive does not mean being adamant to the detriment of a relationship. 

Being assertive requires also a high dose of self-knowledge.  This quality will guide the degree of assertiveness that can be exercised in each case as it arises. 

As paradoxical as it may appear, successful assertiveness grows over time as the assertive person learns how, where, why, when and with whom to exercise the correct dose of assertiveness.  As paradoxical as it may seem, as we reflect on our experiences, it is true that after we have "lost a few" our assertiveness can grow.

Notice that what I have described here is not the "schoolyard bully."  Just the opposite.  Successful assertiveness is always accompanied by prudence and the desire for the mutual good.  Yes, that is why when you read about how to become more assertive, you will also read about submissiveness in the same breath. 

Just as you just did here.