About six months ago we bought a combination Internet Modem/Router. It's an "all in one" piece of electronic equipment and it works very well. About two weeks ago the family bought me a new computer and it too works very well. It is a little disappointing because you really have to look around some pretty nasty corners if you're going to find the DOS command center. I found them, so we are quite comfortable electronically speaking.
You have to know that because this is a story about human foibles and the desire that certain people have to try to make human foibles a thing of the past. If not that, then some try to make them a thing monopolized by a certain age group. So down to here you have the foundation for what comes next, that is, the "Rest of the Story."
One day we came home after spending the weekend in San Diego, some 100 miles away. We settled in for a quiet Sunday night with pictures of work plans for tomorrow dancing in our heads. Truth to tell, it was a great night, and in the morning, after the usual rituals, it was time to attack the work. Well, as it turned out the only thing I was attacking was the electronic equipment. I could not get the Internet to come alive. I kept getting the message that the router was denying access. I tried everything that I knew how to do and everything that the machine would allow me to do as the "administrator."
NOTHING!
So, I decided to resort to the telephone and fight the impatience that always attacks me when I have to be put on hold forever while I wait for a technical expert to walk me through the fog of ignorance that has overtaken me. Believe it or not I had to talk to the cable provider, the computer geeks and finally the router manufacturer before getting any satisfaction. But I did get satisfaction. In fact, two doses for the price of one impatience attack. I didn't even have to show any special discount card or anything. It was great.
So here I am on the telephone with the cable router manufacturer's geek after about 45 minutes of dead-end efforts.
Me: I can't get on the Internet.
Him: Hmmm, sounds like bad news.
Me: It is. I can't work at my telecommuting job.
Him: I'm sorry.
Me: I'm not looking for sorry, I'm seeking a solution for a mysterious problem.
Him: Yes,sir, so I've heard. I think I know what will solve the problem. First you have to promise me one very important thing.
Me: Sounds like the Voice from the Kitchen. I don't promise her anything. But, hey, if it's going to help get to work, let's give it a try.
Him: Ok. Here we go. Whatever I tell you, no wise cracks, no threats, no guffaws and no gutter language. Got that?
Me: Sounds great! Yeah, Got it. Let's go with it.
Him: Good. Write the name of the router in the address bar.
Me: Check.
Him: Go to router number 123456.
Me, (to myself): How the hell does he know that?
Me, (to him): Check
Him: Go to Password.
Me: Check.
Him: Write zyxwvu9876ABC
Me, (to myself): Holy...?
Me, (to him): Check
Him: Go to parental control
Me: Ahhh? Is this where I am supposed to follow the behavior instructions?
Him: Yes, sir. (Notice the "sir," there?)
Me: OK. Check.
Him: Click on the little box in front of the words "Parental Control."
Me: Check.
Him: Good. Now click the box in front of the word "ON."
Me: Silence. Choking noises. Horrible case of the giggles.
Him: Sir! Remember the deal.
Me: Oh yeah, right.
Him: You have not yet clicked to turn "Parental Control" on.
Me: No ...!
Him: Sir, the FAA can get you for that. I knew this would happen. Most people cooperate.
Me: Oh, OK. There! I clicked it.
Him: Hmmm. I'm testing it. Sir. I will stand by now while you try to get on the Internet.
Me: (One minute passes) ...Well, I'll be...? Yep, there it is.
Him: This is a rare case, but we see it about once or twice per month. We don't know why.
Enjoy the Internet, sir. You can go back to work now.
Me: Hmmm...Ahhh, thanks, I think. Have a good day.
This was three months ago. I have not had a problem since. Clean living, I guess. :-)
Oh, the twofer one reward:
1. The router works and is reliable. Yes, I still get risque images on Google. Go figure.
2. A good laugh for my trouble. Parental control, indeed.
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